If I were Elvis rich I’d create a research group that would do nothing but create scientifically valid polls and studies for questions I’ve always had. E.g. how many unopened Yankee Candles does the average household have? Theoretically speaking Yankee Candle should be out of business - simple supply vs. demand. There are probably millions of candles stockpiled in America’s linen closets. I need a study to get to the bottom of this.
Other ideas for studies:
- Are there any statistically significant differences between cat people and dog people?
- Does anyone actually think Patchouli smells good? And why do habitual marijuana smokers think it hides their drug use?
- What percentage of the population finds the Family Circus funny.
If I were Elvis rich I’d hire someone to haul me around on this. Nothing says you have gobs of money like being chauffeured around town on a human powered segway.
Starting a new category in the ol’ blog - Elvis Rich. The thing that always amazes me about people with a lot of money is simply how uncreative they are. It seems if you currently own a BMW 315 and then make a lot more money you upgrade to a BMW M5… which is just a more expensive thing that you already have. The idiots on MTV Cribs (usually the pro athletes) have a dozen luxury cars instead of one. Instead of having a cheaply built house with 4 bedrooms, they get a cheaply built house with 10 bedrooms. Very rarely does anyone ever spend their money with any verve or ingenuity. If you’ve ever been around me for more than one evening you’ve probably heard me use the phrase, “If I were Elvis rich I’d …(insert ludicrous thing here)…”
Why do I use the phrase Elvis rich? (more…)
